and later that day...

so I had my first appointment with a new psychologist today...private....so stupidly expensive....but at the same time really really great.  She's a christian woman, and I knew that going in...so it was something that had really high hopes about.  I found out that one nice thing about going private is that there is better music in the waiting area lol...very pretty smooth sounding jazz to be exact....my kind of tunes.  The next thing that I found out is that they really do have couches! I opted not to sit on it however...I'm a chair girl apparently....the decor in those rooms is so much more comfortable than an office in a public health facility....not my style necessarily...but nice warm colors and comfortable chairs and it makes you feel as though you are sitting down to share with someone you know rather than someone who is getting paid to listen to you.  So the place itself wins major points in my book.  Then there's the psychologist...Sharon....beautiful woman first of all...well dressed and someone who gives the impression from first sight that she is a warm friendly person.  When I got into the office (frankly I would rather just call it a room, since it does not have the cold feel of an office by any means), I immediately felt safe.  It was an initial meeting so I knew that the appointment would focus mostly on my history and why I decided to come to her.  I immediately told her that I was interested in working with her mostly because she was a christian psychologist...and I strongly feel like a christian will just be able to give you a different perspective than a non-believer.  I shared with her the events of this last month...and the time leading up to it.  I told her about giving up Tristen last year...some of the things that brought me to that point and how I crashed even harder once he was gone.  I told her that what I want out of our sessions is the ability to deal with life in healthy ways....not destructive ones...I don't want to let a poor impulsive decision to ruin my life or the lives of the people that I care about.  I told her that my doctor thought that I would greatly benefit from cognitive behavioral therapy...she smiled and said 'thats exactly what we are going to be starting out with'  I figure thats a sign of a good therapist, and a good doctor for that matter...they both had the same thing in mind...when two different professional people (both christians by the way) who don't even know each other, haven't spoken to one another about my case, hear my story and come to the exact same conclusion about which direction my therapy should go in. To go even further with that...Vi picked me up from the appointment, I told her about the cognitive therapy and she said 'and what we're doing is getting to the roots of that....we have to get down to the base through God otherwise we're just sticking a band aide on it'... I don't know about you but to me I think thats just got to be God...He has put the right people in my life, at the right time...on so many levels...and I truly believe that He is telling me that it is time for me to be healed....to really really be healed...and to move forward.  This lambs legs have been broken, and is happily being carried by her shepherd while they heal...and I will happily never leave his side again.