Woke up today a little ridiculously early...but wide awake none the less. I did have a pretty good sleep last night though....so I'm glad for that. Matt is coming here today...which is really good because I've been missing him like crazy....I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed with how late in the day he'll be coming...especially since we're leaving tomorrow already. I'll make do though. I just really want a big hug from him...its been on my mind all week. I'm finding this morning that I'm a little fidgety...having trouble sitting still....but I haven't taken my medication yet so I'll see if that changes anything. Mood wise I feel like I've generally been okay...any ups and downs have seemed normal so far...physically my recovery is a little frustrating to be honest. Its like every day there is something new that hurts....like yesterday I realised that my wrists were swelling and hurting in different places than they had before....great right? and my body has just been generally sore...which is never fun. but in reality I know that it could be much worse. My throat, although easily irritated, does not outright hurt at every moment like it did...and frankly still could....so I'm glad for that....mind you if I try to go up in pitch with my voice even slightly I end up hacking like crazy...so thats irritating too of course. I think that my body is working hard to get any toxins out that are still left in my system....my digestive system seems to be working overtime.
There are alot of things on my mind of course right now too....tomorrow I go to stay with Richard and Vi....complete strangers really...which is so incredibly hard for me. Not only am I staying with these complete strangers but I am going to be opening up to them in ways that I have probably never opened up to anyone...we are going to have an intensive week of prayer...and as much as I know I need it and that its going to be probably the most beneficial thing i do, I know that it is going to be extremely hard and that is always scary. This time now is about immersing myself in my faith and allowing God to heal me. I want that so badly...and I know that alot of this is about getting to the truth behind the lies that Satan has convinced me of. One lie that comes to mind immediately is that in some part of me I can feel a fear that I won't be able to be healed....or maybe that I don't even deserve to be.... I know that to be a lie...but its still there. I have so much work to do...and I have made the choice to do it and I am willing to do it....but it doesn't change the fact that it is daunting and scary. I'm so sick of feeling so full of fear...maybe when this is over thats something that I will at least in part be able to say goodbye to. Well...time to get ready for the day....
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