Today has proven to be both extraordinarily difficult and incredibly freeing...I'm actually sitting here struggling to find words for what is going on in my heart right now...the first thing that comes to mind is 'full'...hopefully that makes sense to you...I'll try to paint a better picture for you...its like I feel my heart beating...beating hard as if its grown...Its like having those warm fuzzies inside that you get when you watch a sweet moment in a movie or something like that....
I don't know who all is reading this...and in truth it doesn't matter who...because the things that I have to say, the things that I am experiencing, should be shared...Tonight was a huge night...tonight we cut spirit ties...we cast the ties from me and called back the parts of me that were lost to those ties...It sounds so hokey when I put it down like that...but the fact is...I feel lighter...I felt bonds break tonight that I didn't even realize were there...there was a moment afterwards....when I felt so strange... almost as if something was missing....a part of me was gone...but then we prayed for the holy spirit to come and fill me...fill the void left by the ties that were once there...and I feel full....so full...like love and hope are coursing through my veins instead of blood telling me with every beat of my heart that I am being healed....and that I am another step closer to freedom tonight...
I felt tears drip from my eyes onto the paper in front of me instead of down my face...it seemed symbolic of a cleansing that took place...like those sins were washed away with those tears...allowing me to accept God's forgiveness.
It is only Tuesday...and I feel like I am not the same person I was 3 days ago....I feel so full of God's love...and feeling that love just makes me love him all the more...like an infant says looks at their father with love and says 'dada'...I feel that love and say 'Abba'...my heavenly father....it is by His grace and His grace alone that I am here today...I have put Him through many tests and He has never left me, never given up on me...and my desire is to accept this life that He has given me....and to live it in a way that glorifies Him, He deserves nothing less from me...and no longer want to turn away from His plan for me...whatever it may be.
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love." John 15: 9,10
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